The Five Love
Languages
Pastor Gary
Chapman wrote a book called the Five Love Languages. After 30 years of
counseling married couples, he came to the conclusion that each person has
their own primary love language. The five love languages are these: “words of
affirmation,” “acts of service,” “quality time,” “receiving gifts,” and “physical
touch.” According to the author, each person has a love tank. The problem is, everybody’s
love tank leaks, so it needs to constantly be refilled. The only way to fill
one’s love tank is to speak their primary love language. People feel loved when
we speak their primary love language. For instance, suppose my wife’s love
language is acts of service, mine is words of affirmation. I would often say “I
love you.” But she would think to herself, “If you love me, do something!” When
I just say those affirming words, her love tank is not filled. But when I wash
dishes or vacuum the floor, then she feels loved. The author suggests that we
need to discover what our loved ones’ primary love language is and speak that
language rather than the one that we like the most.
Martha, Doing
Person
In today’s
Scripture we meet three different individuals who speak their love languages
and honor Jesus their own ways. Scripture tells us it was six days before the
Passover, the time when Jesus would host the last supper and face the agony of Gethsemane , he returned to Bethany
Lazarus, Being
Person
The next person
mentioned is Lazarus. The Bible says, “Lazarus was among those reclining at
the table with him (Jesus)” (12:2c). Lazarus is a being person. His love
language is quality time. While Martha was serving Jesus, Lazarus simply enjoyed
his presence. The Bible says that Jesus appointed his twelve disciples for
three reasons: “He appointed twelve--designating them apostles--that they
might be with him and that he might send them out to preach and to have
authority to drive out demons” (Mark 3:14-15). One of the main reasons why
Jesus called his disciples was to simply be with him. In this respect, Lazarus
was a true disciple of Jesus. He wanted to enjoy every minute he had with the
Master. Lazarus expressed his deep honor and respect to Jesus through
spending quality time with him.
Mary,
Being-Doing Person
Then, we meet the
third person, who wanted to demonstrate her love and devotion to Jesus in a
more dramatic way. John 12:3 says, “Then Mary took about a pint of pure
nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet
with her hair…” Today’s Scripture tells us there are different levels at which
we honor Jesus. There are different levels at which we show him how much we
love him. There is nothing wrong with Martha and Lazarus’s devotion. Their
response to Jesus was perfectly normal. But today’s story invites us to deeper
levels of honoring Jesus. We can learn at least three important spiritual lessons
from Mary’s devotion. I would call it triple A: Awareness – Action –
Adherence.
Awareness (Being)
First of all, Mary
had enough time to have fellowship with Jesus before doing something for him.
As we read through the Gospel of Luke, if we find the picture of Martha,
cooking and serving, we find the picture of Mary, listening to Jesus at his
feet. When Martha got upset and complained about Mary, Jesus said, “"Martha,
Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is
needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away
from her” (Luke 10:41 -42). There is nothing wrong with Martha’s devotion. But what the
Lord Jesus is saying here is about priority, which should come first: being or
doing. Mary chose to “be” with Jesus first. And then, she began to experience
how much he first loved her. She began to understand one by one why he was
doing all of this – healing, preaching and teaching. She began to have acute awareness
that his time was coming. Before today’s story, Jesus openly talked about his
death and resurrection at least three times, but Jesus’ disciples did not
understand what he was talking about. But Mary seemed to know what was coming
soon. She did speak the love language that Jesus needed the most at that
time, although all the others didn’t understand what she did. Jesus said,
in John 12:7, “Leave her alone. She did this in preparation for my burial”
(NLT). Jesus was comforted and encouraged by Mary’s devotion. Mary had good
awareness of when, what, and how to express her love and devotion to Jesus,
which came from being with him and listening to him. Awareness. Being
comes first.
Action
(Doing)
Mary didn’t just
remain as a being person. When an opportune time came, she became a doing
person. Mary gave her best to Jesus. The Scripture says that perfume was
very expensive, worth a year’s wages. Jesus tells us that she had been saving
it for the day that he would be buried. Probably, she had to save the money for
years, even for life. And finally, she bought this perfume and saved it for
this day. And she poured out the most valuable possession she had without
reserve. There are times when we need to save. There are times when we need to
give and sacrifice. What is your best? Are you willing to give your best to
Jesus? In John 6, for a boy, five loaves and two fish were his best. In
Luke 21, for a poor widow, two lepta, two very small copper coins, were
her best. In 2 Kings 17, for the widow at Zarephath, a handful of flour and a
little oil were her best. They did give their best as an expression of love and
devotion to God. Mary too, did give her very best to Jesus Christ the Lord.
Action. Doing must follow after being.
Adherence (Being-Doing)
The third A stands
for “Adherence.” Not only did Mary pour out the perfume on Jesus feet, but also
she did wipe it with her hair. That is another thing. One commentator notes
that since a woman's hair is her glory, Mary was laying her glory at Jesus’ feet.
She was giving up her pride and honoring him in humility. In fact, Mary’s
devotion brought criticism among the inner circle of Jesus’ friends. In today’s
scripture, Judas Iscariot was angry. In two other parallel passages, Jesus’
disciples were indignant, saying, “Why this waste?” (Matt 26:8), and also some
other people there rebuked Mary harshly (Mark 14:5). Mary worshipped
despite criticism. There are times when we need to overcome peer
pressure, family pressure, or culture’s pressure in order to honor Christ.
When the Israelites were carrying the ark of the Lord, David danced before the
Lord with all his might. That brought criticism from his wife, Michal. The
Bible says that she despised him in her heart (2 Samuel 7). When the people
brought their charges against Paul before the governor, they said, “We have
found this man a plague” (Acts 24:5 NKJV). When Paul shared his story
how he encountered Christ, the governor Festus said, “Paul, you are crazy!”
(Acts 26:24 MSG). In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul said that he was
treated like the world’s garbage, like everybody’s trash – no respect,
no honor (1 Co 4:13 NLT). But Paul didn’t care what others think. In the same way, Mary
was just consumed with a passion to honor Jesus Christ. It was her joy to honor
him though it might bring criticism and humiliate her. The people didn’t
understand what she was doing at that time. But Mary did stay the course.
Adherence.
Honor Jesus Today
When the people
were criticizing Mary, Jesus said to them in verse 7, “You will always have the
poor among you, but you will not always have me.” Jesus is telling us
that there is a time for everything. There is a time to honor him. For us, now
is the time to worship Jesus and honor him. Now is the time to develop
and nurture our love languages in more mature and dramatic ways. For a doing
person, now is the time to sit still and listen to Jesus at his feet in order
to know his will. For a being person, now is the time to take action, because
opportunities for honoring Jesus through our lives are passing. Let us honor
Jesus today.
Mary was a
being-doing person. She first listened to Jesus,
and then boldly took action for Jesus when the opportune time came. And Jesus
affirmed what Mary did. In Mark 14:6-9, Jesus said to his disciples, “Leave her
alone… She has done a beautiful thing to me… I tell you the truth, wherever the
gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told,
in memory of her.” The life of Mary teaches us one important truth of life: “A
life lived for Christ leaves a lasting legacy.” If we have Mary’s epitaph
today, I think it would be probably written something like this: “Here lies the
body of Mary of fragrance, who always enjoyed listening to Jesus at his feet
and prepared for his burial by giving her best without reserve, nothing left
behind her.” What would you like written on your epitaph? How would you like to
be remembered after you die?
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