Great Expectations is a famous novel written by Charles Dickens. It has a colorful cast of characters. Miss Havisham is one of them. She is a wealthy spinster. One day she is jilted at the alter by her fiancé. That changes everything in her life. Since that day, she lives out the rest of her days wearing her bridal gown. She stops every clock in her house on the moment she got word of the betrayal. She hates all men. She plots to wreak a twisted revenge and inflict her pain on those around her. She never recovers from the day the clocks stopped in her life. Hurt people hurt people.
Have you ever experienced a moment when the clocks seem to stop in your life? I hope none of us in this room has that kind of experience. But the truth is that most of us have or will have some kind of hurtful experience. And even the smallest offence can begin to consume us if left unchecked. Let’s look at Joseph’s family. The roots of discord begin to grow way back before Joseph’s time. There was a sibling rivalry, betrayal, and discord between Cain and Abel, between Isaac and Ishmael, between Leah and Rachel, and between Esau and Jacob. And those pains and wounds were not properly dealt with. So Jacob repeats this unhealthy patterns and shows favoritism to one of his children, Joseph. It badly hurts the rest of his children. And finally, they inflict their pain on Joseph. They betrayed and sold their own brother. Hurt people hurt people.
Acknowledge the Pain
So what should we do when we are hurt? What should we do with our pain? We have options just as Joseph’s brothers had. They chose vengeance. Of course, it was not a good choice. It almost ruined the whole family. So where do we start the healing process? We can learn this from Joseph. The first step of the healing process is to acknowledge the pain. We need to reveal our hurt. Joseph didn’t cover up the hurt or pretend it didn’t happen. He revealed it. He admitted it. He revisited it. He named it. Even he named his firstborn Manasseh, which means “forget.” Joseph confessed, “It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household” (Gen 41:51). Joseph started the healing process by acknowledging the pain. Many of us are tempted to bury our past – our hurt, pain, and bitterness – in our family. But the problem is that it keeps coming back. It keeps popping back up because we haven’t dealt with it. It doesn’t just heal itself. Instead, we need to face our hurt and acknowledge it.
Recently, I had a chance to see one of my colleagues I admire. He shared his story with me. There was a time when he was sick physically, emotionally, and spiritually because of anger and stress. One day he was taking a walk with his dog in the park. No one was there. And he just poured out his heart – his anger, bitterness, and even curse – before God. “God, I am sick and tired. I am angry. I want to curse that person. Do something! Do you hear me?” This very specific kind of prayer became his prayer routine. Each and every day he goes to the park with his dog, takes a walk, and prays as honestly as he can for an hour. Now he is one of the healthiest persons I know. We are familiar with the psalms of praise and thanksgiving. But in fact, in the Book of Psalms there are also several cursing psalms (ex. Pss 5, 10, 17, 35, 58, 59, 69, 70, 79, 83, 109, 129, 137, 140). Psalm 109 is one of them. The psalmist prays, “O God, may his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow…” (vv. 8-9) And the prayer goes on. It’s difficult to interpret this psalm, but there is at least one thing we can learn from this prayer. God wants us to pray to him a brutally honest and specific kind of prayer, not just a general, habitual, and heartless prayer. Are you hurt? Pray as honestly as you can about what you experienced, how it felt, and the hurt you had and still have. Revealing leads to healing.
Acknowledge God
The second step of the healing process is to acknowledge God’s faithfulness. In Genesis 45 when Joseph makes himself known to his brothers, he says to them, “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you… So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God!” What a powerful statement! We don’t see any bitterness or resentment here because Joseph acknowledged God’s faithfulness in all circumstances. We have a tendency to make a connection between our behavior and God’s favor. When things go wrong, we tend to search for the source of the problem. When healing doesn’t come, we tend to say that it’s because of lack of faith. Yes, generally God rewards obedience and disciplines us when we get off course. But we cannot draw sharp cause-and-effect lines in our lives. Our suffering or pain is not cause and effect. God was not punishing Joseph for bad behavior. God was not punishing Job for his bad behavior. Hebrews 11 is called hall of faith. Some of them accomplished amazing things by faith. They conquered kingdoms… shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword…” (vv. 33-34). But some of them who had the same great faith had to endure horrifying situations. They were stoned, they were sawed in two, they were put to death by the sword…” (v. 37). God doesn’t promise that we will never face betrayal or tragedy, but God does promise to be with us and give us strength to endure it. I love God’s promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “… All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past you limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it” (MSG). God is faithful. God is sovereign. Although Joseph was a slave and then a prisoner, the Bible doesn’t say he was miserable. Instead, the Bible says, “The Lord was with Joseph and he prospered!” (39:2) Joseph acknowledged God’s faithfulness in all circumstances, and God took away his bitterness and opened his eyes to see God’s favor through the haze of hardship.
Look to Jesus
As we hear the story of Joseph, we need to remember that it is not just a story about suffering, healing, and character-building. Rather it is a story that prefigures and points to one person, Jesus Christ. Pastor Timothy Kelly rightly says, “Jesus is the true and better Joseph who is at the right hand of the king and forgives those who betrayed and sold him and uses his power to save them.” Joseph’s story invites us to look to the true and better Joseph, Jesus. Joseph’s life reminds us of the Great Healer, Jesus. Hebrews 2:18 says, “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested” (NLT). Yes, Jesus is able to heal us. Come to Jesus, and ask him to help you experience healing, rest and freedom.
As I close, I want to share the story of a modern-day Joseph. Thomas was born into a pastor’s family. He had a gift for music. In his late teens he became famous. Then he compromised in his lifestyle and turned away from God. He was weary and restless. One of his relatives urged him to return to God. At the age of twenty-one, he did. He encountered God personally. Since then, he used his gift for God-honoring music. He worked with some of the greatest singers in the history of gospel music. Thomas was enjoying God’s blessing at full throttle: happy marriage, growing ministry, first child on the way. Life was good. But then the sandbar. One night he got a telegram. It read simply: “Your wife just died.” She had passed away in childbirth. He ran to the hospital, and the following day his newborn son also died. He avoided people and grew angry at God. He said, “I don’t want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs.” He isolated himself, nursing his anger and sorrow. One day one of his friends took Thomas to a neighborhood music school. That evening as the sun was setting, Thomas sat down at a piano and began to play… and pray. He poured out his heart to God, and what wonderful words they were:
Precious Lord, take my hand, Lead me on, let me stand,
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn;
Through the storm, through the night, Lead me on to the light:
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.
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