The Apostle, released in 1997, is a powerful movie about a Christian leader in rural Texas — the Reverend Eulis “Sonny” Dewey. Sonny spends most of his time on the road leading revivals. The movie opens with how Sonny leads the young man dying from his car accident to Christ. Spiritual passion permeates his life. Meanwhile, his beautiful but long-suffering wife, Jessie, grows tired of both his adulteries and her being alone. She asks for a divorce. It turns out she also is having an affair with the youth pastor at church. In a moment of jealous rage, Sonny gets drunk and attacks the youth pastor with a baseball bat while the youth pastor is coaching his son’s game. Eventually the youth pastor dies. Meanwhile, Sonny leaves town, destroying his old identity and setting off to find a new life.
After sincerely seeking God through prayer and fasting, he perceives a new calling and direction from God, bearing the name and title of “The Apostle E. F” and baptizing himself in a nearby lake. With the help of a respected local African-American pastor, he begins a new church in Louisiana. He starts a radio ministry, fixes up a used bus, and begins picking up people to attend church. His relationship with God is infectious. The church prospers. People come to faith in Christ. He feeds the hungry. The community is impacted. The congregation loves his zeal and preaching. Underneath his impressive faith, however, ugly gaps remain and erupt in his spiritual formation. While starting the new church he meets Toosie, a woman who works in the radio station. She draws his romantic affections. Sonny also gets into a fistfight with a troublemaker who questions his integrity. Eventually the authorities catch up with the tragic mistake in Sonny’s past. The police arrest him, and he is sent to jail. But even in prison we see Sonny enthusiastically leading a chain gang to Christ.[1]
The Old You vs. the New You
Sonny is a complex individual. He is a gifted, zealous, committed Christian whom we admire, and yet he is also terribly inconsistent. He has a temper, womanizer, and misuses alcohol. We wish this were only Hollywood. It is not. Unfortunately, we see so many similar examples – “the gaps” – in our real Christian life more than we want to admit. For example, we can be a dynamic, gifted speaker for God in public and be an unloving spouse and parent at home. We can function as a church leader or pastor and be unteachable, insecure, and defensive. We can fast and pray and constantly be critical of others.
The apostle Paul saw those gaps in Ephesian Christians’ lives. They became true Christians, and yet they were still living in their former patterns, following the world’s ways of life with selfishness, greed, and impurity. Then, what is the cure for this spiritual imbalance?
Learning Christ
In today’s scripture Paul gently rebukes and guides the church to God’s ways:
“But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus” (vv. 20-21, NKJV).
Here Paul uses the image of a school. You learned Christ, you heard Christ, you were taught by Christ. Learning Christ is the key to becoming an authentic, congruent Christian. Learning Christ is like learning a language. It’s interesting to see how children learn a language. For me, when I learn English, in my mind I constantly translate Korean into English. I can’t think English very well. For me, English is a useful tool. I use it once a week for my sermon or when needed. But as for my children, English is a part of their life. So natural. They just live English 24/7. They think English. They don’t translate it. In the same way, Paul exhorts us to learn Christ, not by translating him or using him when needed, but by hearing him, imitating him, immersing ourselves in him 24/7.
Embracing Weakness
The Bible says, “Although he was a Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered” (Heb 5:8, NRSV). Paul himself learned Christ that way. Like us, Paul struggled between his old self and the new self, saying, “I love God’s law with all my heart, but there is another power within me that is at war with my mind… What a wretched man I am!” (Rom 7:23-24). Also, like us, Paul suffered for life because of the thorn in his flesh. Biblical scholars are not sure what exactly his thorn was. It could be a physical handicap (such as an eye problem, speech defect, or epilepsy), or a spiritual or emotional temptation (bitterness, depression, or a terrible temper). Whatever it was, the thorn tormented him greatly and caused many people to question his leadership. So three times he pleaded with the Lord to take it away. But our Lord Jesus Christ said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9). Not in spite of his weakness, but because of it, he learned Christ. He became a mature, congruent Christian more and more. At first, Paul says, “As for those were held in high esteem (apostles) – whatever they were makes no difference to me” (Gal 2:6). Six years later, he writes in a more humble manner, “I am the least of the apostles” (1 Cor 15:9). Lastly, about two years before his death, he says, “I am the worst of all sinners” (1 Tim 1:15). By embracing his weakness as a gift, Paul learned to solely rely on Christ.
This past week was one of the defining moments on my spiritual journey. Earlier this week Joyce was very excited by her mentor’s testimony and freshly filled with God-given visions for her life, and shared it with me. My reaction was cold, indifferent and even defensive. But I didn’t know why I reacted that way. By God’s grace, at that time I was reading Peter Scazzero’s The Emotionally Healthy Church, and the author encouraged us to do a genogram to examine our marriage in light of our parents. A genogram is a way of drawing a family tree that looks at information about family members and their relationships (How did they resolve conflict? Express anger? Understand gender roles? and so on) over two to three generations. So I sat down and did a very simple genogram. And I found why I always reacted that way. My father grew up as a middle child, lost his mother when he was very young, and his father didn’t take care of the family. So he always felt the absence of the mother. When he started a new family, he made sure that my mother was always present at home, raising the children. So when Joyce talked about her dreams, unconsciously I had fear and concerns that she might not be present, not support my children and me. At first, I didn’t want to admit my brokenness. But by God’s grace, when I confessed it to Joyce, she said, “Every time I shared my visions with you, I felt suffocated. Because you always defended yourself how hard you were trying. But for the first time I feel liberated.”
“I Am a Cracked Pot”
God heals our brokenness and mends our wounds. But for some reason he allows the scars and weakness to remain. That way we learn to fully rely on God and to heal others as wounded healers.
There once lived a water carrier in India. He used two large pots for his task. One of the pots had a big crack in it while the other pot was perfect. The perfect pot always delivered a full portion of water from the stream to the master’s house, while the cracked pot arrived only half full each day. For two years this water carrier made the same journey. The perfect pot became proud, while the cracked pot felt ashamed. Finally, one day by the stream, the cracked pot spoke to his owner, “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize that I have only been able to deliver half my water to your house.” Then the water carrier replied, smiling, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” On that trip from the stream, the cracked pot looked around. “Did you notice there are flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?” the water carrier commented. “That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we passed these spots, you watered them. Without you being just the way you are, I would not have this beauty to grace my master’s house.”[2]
What might be a “thorn in your flesh”? What might be “the gift of a handicap” (2 Cor 12:7 MSG) God has given you? It can be a family member with special needs. It can be a struggle with an addiction that forces you to be vigilant every day. It can be a tendency to depression or loneliness. It can be scars from an abusive past. It can be physical illness or weakness. Whatever our brokenness is, not in spite of it but because of it we learn Christ. We come to know him, draw close to him, learn to fully rely on him. May we embrace the gift of a handicap and join Paul in saying, “Now I delight in my weaknesses for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor 12:10). Praise be to the Lord. Amen.
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[1] Peter Scazzero & Warren Bird, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Updated and Expanded Edition (pp.38-40). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
[2] Ibid., 123.
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